If the deceased has lived a good life, flowers would bloom on his grave; but if he has been evil, only weeds would grow.

if several deaths occur in the same family, tie a black ribbon to everything left alive that enters the house, even dogs and chickens. This will protect against deaths spreading further...

By Sheila Riley, Director of Collections, The Children's Museum of Indianapolis, 2004

Death, like an overflowing stream, sweeps us away."

By the mid-19th century, Americans began a shift from regarding death in a Puritanical, gloomy, "meet your Maker" mode to a Victorian romanticized view of death as being "asleep to wake in Heaven."  Traditions surrounding death and dying took on new significance when Victorian society began to dictate what were appropriate mourning behaviors, clothing and accessories for honoring the deceased.....

From Harpers' Bazar: April 17, 1886

NOTHING in our country is more undecided in the public mind than the etiquette of mourning. It has not yet received that hereditary and positive character which makes the slightest departure from received custom so reprehensible in England. We have not the mutes, or the nodding feathers of the hearse, that still form part of the English funeral equipage; nor is the rank of the poor clay which travels to its last home illustrated by the pomp and ceremony of its departure. Still, in answer to some pertinent questions, we will offer a few desultory remarks, beginning with the end, as it were - the return of the mourner to the world...

By Cathy Taylor

Cathy Taylor, owner of Victori Limited,  is a writer, editor and lecturer on antique and vintage clothing, and on Victorian style and material culture. She is the national newsletter editor for the Costume Society of America.

When shopping antique clothing racks, people see a lot of black. From the 20th century, they see little black dresses, trimmed black felt hats, black velvet evening coats, beaded black bags. And from Victorian times, they see little feathered black bonnets, boned black bodices, black silk shirtwaists.

Victorian Mourning and Funeral Customs in the 1890s

BEFORE THE FUNERAL:
The manner of caring for the dead is growing gradually into a closer imitation of life, and we see the dear ones now lying in that peaceful repose which gives hope to those who view them. No longer does the gruesome and chilling shroud enwrap the form. The garments worn in life have taken its place, and men and women are dressed as in life. It gives a feeling of comfort to see them thus, for it imparts a natural look which could never accompany the shroud. Flowers are strewn about the placid face, and one cannot but remember those grand lines from Bryant:

"He wraps the drapery of his couch about him,
And lies down to pleasant dreams."

Collier's Cyclopedia, 1901

During times of health and happiness, it is perhaps rather trying to be asked to turn our thoughts into doleful channels; but sooner or later in our lives the sad times comes, for "Who breathes must suffer, and who thinks must mourn," and we have perforce to to turn our minds to the inevitable and share "the common lot of man." In times of mourning it seems doubly hard to arouse ourselves, and allow the question of what to wear? to intrude itself. It is, however, necessary. Custom decrees, if even inclination does not prompt us, to show in some outward degree our respect for the dead by wearing the usual black.

From A True Friend, 1872

"We long for the day when this custom shall be obsolete. It is unbecoming the truly afflicted one. The wearer says by the black garment, “I have lost a dear friend. I am in deep sorrow.” But true grief does not wish to parade itself before the eye of the stranger; much less does it assert its extent. The stricken one naturally goes apart from the world to pour out the tears. Real affliction seeks privacy. It is no respect to the departed friend to say we are in sorrow. If we have real grief it will be discovered.